Family In Faith Friday Blog Hop

 My previous post, My Never Ending Story, has been linked to the new Family In Faith Blog Hop. Head on over by clicking the button above to join in! 

My Never Ending Story

"They Look Like Big, Strong Hands.... Don't They?"

For the last few months, I have felt a certain kinship to the Rock Biter introduced to us in the movie "The Neverending Story". 

While his whole world was being torn apart and erased by The Nothing, the Rock Biter tried in vain to hang on to those he loved the most only to have them ripped right out of his big, strong hands. This left him immobile and unable to even function. He decided to just sit and wait for The Nothing to just come and take him away too.

I know exactly how that feels.

In my current situations the question often comes to my mind "What am I going to do??", to which I have the same answer every time... "I don't know.".  It isn't as if I haven't prayed about all that is going on. But, I certainly have not been given any answers.  Honestly, I have no idea what to do. Everything I have tried has led to failure and rejection. And so I do nothing.  Which only adds to my anxiety because there are things (The Nothing) looming on the horizon and it just keeps getting closer and closer while my situations remain unchanged.

The old Christian Cliche's aren't helping me much at this point.

"Just keep praying, Carrie." - Like I haven't been? Every second, every thought?

"Everything will work out, don't worry." - Umm.. yeah, well, that is easy to say when you have a home, a job, a husband, a working vehicle, etc.

"Just give it all to God, Carrie." - Trust me, I've given it to Him. I've gift wrapped it, tied it with a bow, thrown it in a sack at his feet and BEGGED Him to just please do SOMETHING with it all.

"Remember, Carrie.. All things work out for the good..." - OK, well, right now I can count 'the good' that has happened in my life on my two hands. And even that is stretching it.

"Something GREAT is bound to happen, Carrie." - Now this is something that I've been saying to myself and my kids for my entire life... and guess what? Hasn't happened yet. We're all sick of my saying it.

"Just have faith, Carrie." - God knows I'm trying.. but how come He doesn't act when He knows that I'm losing it a little more every day?

As I re-read what I've written I realize that I have just given fuel to the flames of the people who have been telling me that I am such a bad excuse for a Christian.  But, you know what? THAT is why I have this blog. Because by exposing my already raw, dark and bleeding heart I am showing what a REAL person, a REAL Christian goes through in REAL life.

(another post on this topic later)

I don't know why I have to go through what I am going through right now. I try and tell myself that it is to help others through similar situations, but Lord, right now I think I've got enough experience to help a multitude of people and I would really like to not add any more experiences to my list of 'helper qualifications'.

I know that this post is a bit on the rambling side. My mind just cannot work right now in a calm, organized way and to my readers, I apologise.

The bottom line is that I still don't have any idea what to do and so I will continue to do nothing but wait.  My hands are not big or strong enough to hold my life together and so I will continue to put it all in HIS hands, whether I feel that is working or not. It's all I CAN do.

This post is linked to the Family In Faith Blog Hop.

Ok, I give up....

Well, I give up. It seems that now that JT is working and doesn't need me to support him anymore he has gone and hooked up with a woman at work and has decided that he needs more friends and fun times.

I just give up.

Fixing Your Heart On Titus 2: Project 4

This week’s project is:

to share your words with someone as an encouragement. Send a card to someone. Write a letter. Send a quick e-mail sharing your gratitude. Call someone just to say, “Hi.”
This week, be intentional each day and choose to lift up a woman in your life (daughter, sister, mother, friend, neighbor, etc…).

This is something that I try to do every day. I always have. Especially working with the public, as I have most of my life, it is amazing how someone whose face is covered in worry and frowns will light up with just a small word of recognition or encouragement.

I think a lot of us feel very unappreciated sometimes. We lead very busy lives and as women we do so much for other people. Many times it is without much recognition or reward. We just do it out of love.

It's easy to get burnt out. But with a small "Wow, that was very nice of you" or "You look nice today" or "I know that you are working very hard, keep up the good work!" or even a "Thank You", you can lift someones spirits and encourage them to keep on keeping on.

God's Love Is My Strength

Exodus 15:13
"In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed.
In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling.

Psalms 6:4
Turn, O LORD, and deliver me;
save me because of your unfailing love.

Psalms 13:5
But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.

Psalms 21:7
For the king trusts in the LORD;
through the unfailing love of the Most High he will not be shaken.

Psalms 31:16
Let your face shine on your servant;
save me in your unfailing love.

Psalms 32:10
Many are the woes of the wicked,
but the LORD's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him.

Psalms 33:5
The LORD loves righteousness and justice;
the earth is full of his unfailing love.

Psalms 33:18
But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,

Psalms 33:22
May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD,
even as we put our hope in you.

Psalms 36:7
How priceless is your unfailing love!
Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings.

Psalms 44:26
Rise up and help us; redeem us because of your unfailing love.

Psalms 48:9
Within your temple, O God, we meditate on your unfailing love.

Psalms 51:1
Psalm 51 For the director of music. A psalm of David.
When the prophet Nathan came to him
after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.
1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions.

Psalms 52:8
But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God;
I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever.

Psalms 77:8
Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
Has his promise failed for all time?

Psalms 85:7
Show us your unfailing love, O LORD,
and grant us your salvation.

Psalms 90:14
Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

Psalms 107:8
Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men,

Psalms 107:15
Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men,

Psalms 107:21
Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men.

Psalms 107:31
Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men.

Psalms 119:41
May your unfailing love come to me, O LORD,
your salvation according to your promise;

Psalms 119:76
May your unfailing love be my comfort,
according to your promise to your servant.

Psalms 130:7
O Israel, put your hope in the LORD,
for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full redemption.

Psalms 143:8
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.

Psalms 143:12
In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
destroy all my foes, for I am your servant.

Psalms 147:11
the LORD delights in those who fear him,
who put their hope in his unfailing love.

Proverbs 19:22
What a man desires is unfailing love;
better to be poor than a liar.

Proverbs 20:6
Many a man claims to have unfailing love,
but a faithful man who can find?

Isaiah 54:10
Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,"
says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

Lamentations 3:32
Though he brings grief,
he will show compassion,
so great is his unfailing love.

Hosea 10:12
Sow for yourselves righteousness,
reap the fruit of unfailing love,
and break up your unplowed ground;
for it is time to seek the LORD,
until he comes and showers righteousness on you.

Fixing Your Heart On Titus 2: Project 3

This week's project is Praying For Our Children

“Prayer is the greatest weapon we hold in our hands as we mother our children. It is the greatest secret for successful mothering.” Nancy Campbell

Monday: That they will know Christ early in life (Psalm 63:1; 2 Timothy 3:15)
Tuesday: That they will respect those in authority over them (Romans 13:1)
Wednesday: That they will desire the right kind of friends (Proverbs 1:10; 13:20)
Thursday:  That they will be protected from the evil one in each area of their lives – spiritual, emotional, and physical (John 17:15; 1 Thessalonians 5:23)
Friday: That they, as well as those they marry, will be kept pure until marriage (1 Corinthians 6:14-17)
Saturday: That they will learn to totally submit to God and resist Satan (James 4:7)
Sunday: That they will be single-hearted, willing to be sold out to Jesus Christ (Romans 12:1-2)

Thankful For Tears?

We should be thankful for our tears: They prepare us for a clearer vision of God.
- William A. Ward

If this is the case, then by the time I'm through I should have PERFECT vision.  I don't know why I am feeling so horrible today. 

I told my bosses today that I would need to go down to part time. The Assistant ED was sympathetic and wanted to try and figure out a way to find childcare in order to keep my FT status.  However, as expected, my ED was more than happy to quickly let me know that she would be looking for my replacement.

I know that the reduction in hours is really what is needed, however, I was a little wounded by the enthusiasm that was felt by my ED to find a replacement. *shrugs*

I am feeling very rejected and unwanted. Between JT and the job thing, I guess it's just really catching up with me and I'm having a very hard time staying joyful in the midst of this trial. I know that there is something good in the works. But, I still feel the pain.

A struggle. Determined not to be depressed. Maintain my joy. Hold on to Hope. Do not be discouraged.

Feelings are very powerful. Emotions try to just completely take over your thoughts and actions.  I am struggling with this tonight.  I hope it ends quickly.

I try to be positive and encouraging in my posts, but yet, I must also be transparent because we all have these struggles and life is NOT always a big happy joy joy dance party. And right now I am feeling pretty crushed.