Begining Again

I get the SF Daily Devotional in my email box every day. Today's was about new beginnings, which, given my present circumstances, is perfect for me. You can read it HERE.

The Scripture Of The Day is "Behold I do a new thing. Now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” - Isaiah 43:19

Sharon Frame wrote today's devotional and she asks a thought provoking question:

What is it that you insist on holding on to that God has instructed you to let go? Is it a destructive relationship? a bad habit? No amount of prayer or fasting will make it good. God says release it. It stands in the way of your new beginning

For me, this has been my relationship with a man with whom I was unequally yoked. 

For the entire almost two year relationship, it has been rocky.  There were many, many signs that he was not honest and made a habit of deceiving me.  I always forgave him and kept hoping and expecting him to change. As time went on, I realised that we had completely opposite outlooks on life, God, activities, etc.  And yet, we still stayed together.

Did we love each other?  I guess he does in his own way, but it was not the way I should be loved.  It was in a worldly way, the way an unbeliever loves someone.  A selfish way.  Do I love him?  I guess, yes I do, still.  I have always been one to see the potential in someone and focus on their good qualities.  However, that has also often made me blind to their real qualities.  I just chose to push them to the side and not dwell on them too much unless they get right up in my face and something is done that hurts me. Even then, I would choose to forgive again and try to push the incident to the back of my mind.

I think God knew that no matter how many times He showed me that I needed to be out of that relationship and that it was hindering His work in my life, I was not going to take the initiative to do anything about it.  I was going to stubbornly put it all on God and say that if HE wanted to change this man, HE would do it and the whole problem would be solved.

Well, God decided to do something all right.  He has removed this man from my life.  Ultimately it was my decision, but He led me to some discoveries that have hurt me beyond words can say and crossed the line on my forgiveness ability.  Not to say I won't forgive this man, but it will be from afar, where he is not in my life anymore.  God made it so there was no way I would ever go back to the life I was living with him and made me see the truth of my illusion.

Though I feel heart-broken, betrayed and a million other emotions, I also feel a sense of freedom and peace.  For one, the removal of this man from my life has taken away my sin with this man.  We were living in sin.  We were having premarital sex. Oh, and did I mention that he was not yet divorced, only separated for the last 2 & 1/2 years?  That's a lot of sinning going on.  Even while we were still together, these things weighed heavily on my mind and my spirit.  And many times God told me that I was tying His Hands when it came to working in my life.

My relationship with I Am was severely hindered in the fact that I could not openly express it with this person around because he didn't understand it and looked down on it.  I didn't listen to Christian music or broadcasts with him around.  I neglected going to church because he didn't want to go with me. I didn't spend time with Christian friends because he wouldn't feel comfortable with them.

Now I am free to do all that with no feelings of misplaced guilt!  Before I felt guilty both ways ... for wanting to do them when he didn't and for not doing them because of him. 

God has shown me that even though I had practically demanded that He change the man, what He had to do was remove the man to change ME.  Not exactly what I had in mind, but He knows the plans He has for me and they are to give me a future and a hope.  There was definitely no future or hope for the relationship I was in.

By going along with God's plans in this situation I am releasing Him to create for me a new beginning.  And that is what I so desperately needed all along!

What are YOU holding on to that God has instructed you to let go of??